hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
