Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
