I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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