Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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