She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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