I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
