i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
