It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
