He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
