Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
