i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
