Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
