Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
