i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Welp...herpes.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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