I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
