Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
