then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
