Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
