he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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