There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
