I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
