I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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