weddingsv make me drug and hornr
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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