did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
