I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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