I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
