I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
