So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
