I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
