i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
