Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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