I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
