help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
