Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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