I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
