God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
