babies were throwing up all over the place
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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