its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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