Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
