i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
