Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
