i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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