just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
