Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Randomize
