So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Come see our sink grown plant.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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