i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
