just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
