When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
