my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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