How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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