Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
