During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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