apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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