I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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