i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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