would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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